Shopping with small children: a busy mama’s low-down.

When I first became a parent, shopping with my tiny infant daughter was a breeze. For the first month, I was proud to discover that my baby was effortlessly “easy” and slept through the entire excursion without so much as a hiccup. Cashiers cooed, fellow shoppers beamed, and all was right in the world of produce browsing. Shopping as a mother seemed like no big deal, and my spouse and I praised each other for having caught onto the knack of the whole child rearing gig so fluidly.

And then, our daughter developed a personality. She wailed, she wiggled, she writhed in her seat, she waggled her tongue at grumpy old women, and she wanted EVERYTHING she saw. She was “that child”. She had no ambitions for magical compliance, leaving me looking like a wild eyed zombie with enough random items in my cart to supply an entire white elephant gift exchange.

I have since given birth to two more beautiful, personality-filled daughters. Through many a tearful and harried shopping trip, I have gained a good deal of humilty and compassion for my fellow parent-shoppers, as well as quite a few practical tricks for making the weekly jaunt to the grocery more pleasant for the whole family. I’ve listed several suggestions that we’ve found to be tried-and-true boredom busters and compromises to make sure you make it home with all your groceries and your hair.

1. Shop with a list, ordered to fit the layout of your grocery.

This is my #1 criteria for a semi-harmonious shopping trip! Nothing invites frustration more than trying to focus and plan on the fly while simultaneously trying to parent; in fact, it’s almost impossible. A body is bound to forget something or lose one’s cool if it’s brain is pulled in two directions without a mission. If you’re like me, you need all the extra brain power you can get, minus the distraction of making a meal plan on the fly! Lists and a good game-plan are our friends. They keep us efficient, and get us in and out of the store in a time frame that’s realistic for everyone.

2. Expect your kids to act like kids.

We can tell them to “be on best behavior” until we are blue in the face, but children can only act as orderly as the situation and their own maturity enables them to. If we take a four year old into a store with nothing to do but get into mischief, can we really fault them for doing so? If we want a different outcome, we as adults are responsible for changing the variables! Having unrealistic expectations will only set us up for angry feelings, and lots of tears from everyone. Be aware of what behaviors are appropriate for your child’s specific developmental level, and adjust your requests/demands accordingly. (For example, most two year olds aren’t capable of walking through a store calmly without impulsively removing items off the shelf. A better plan might be bringing a toy and having them sit in the cart.)

3. Bring a snack, or feed them beforehand.

I’ve found it amazing what a little bit of food can do to improve a child’s mood and ability to censor themselves! For older kids, I keep a box of raisins or nuts in my purse with a bottle of water, for a younger child, a spill-proof cup of juice or milk can go a long way. Having a snack on hand keeps blood sugar stable, as well as being easy entertainment for at least five minutes or so!

4. Wear your baby!

Babywearing is all the rage, and studies show that it can help support cognitive skills and bonding in infants. (Infant carriers are easily purchased or improvised.) In the grocery store, baby wearing serves another helpful purpose: contenting and lulling your baby while you are able to continue shopping with your hands free! This is especially a plus for parents who are also caring for older siblings. As a bonus, it frees up the seat in your cart for a toddler!

5. Be ridiculous.

Grocery shopping can be a chore for adults, and mind-numbingly boring for preschoolers. Banish bad attitudes by allowing for a little subdued silliness! Allow your child to dress up in a silly costume, to sing goofy songs while shopping, or to pretend to be a super spy who quietly sneaks down the aisles with you in the cart. Play rhyming games together while you check items off your list, and take time to hear about your child’s latest dream, favorite show or story from school. Pretend to shoot flying monkeys from the ceiling. Chances are, your fellow shoppers may be cheered at the site of a 3yo in a lion costume, or a goggled superman singing show tunes from Annie. Lighten up!

6. Shop during your child’s best time of day.

Every family has a witching hour during which delightful members become surly miniature ogres. Taking a child out during this time is asking for trouble. Picking their best hour or two of the day will set them and us up for a great time, and give everyone a good chance to be the best version of themselves. For my children, this is early in the morning. For others, it may be later in the day, after any nap times.

Obviously, these ideas are what work best for my family. Every parent and child are unique with individual needs! Thinking creatively or individualizing these general suggestions can be a great jumping off point towards getting your shopping done while considering everyone’s needs. You may even find yourself looking forward to shopping trips, once you find a system that works well for you!

Blogging has totally gotten away from me again, and I keep promising myself that to make it up to me, I’ll let my first blog back be something fantastic. But that, dear readers, is the perfect way to never blog again.

So here’s my not so earth-shaking return to blogdom.

I’ve gotten back into cloth diapering lately, and have found it a delightful and noble addiction. This time around, I’m really loving making my own recycled, lanolized wool covers, comme ça. (These things are virtually water-proof, which is just astonishing. They’re also quite soft.)

For the obligatory munchkin report <3:

-Essie’s reading up a storm these days, loves helping in the kitchen and with her sisters, loves addition, and really loathes having her spelling corrected. She plans to be a tree for halloween. She’s also enjoying keeping a “journal” with pictures, and a nature book. Writing letters is one of her favorite things to do, along with planning out all our social lives for us.

-Naomi is almost totally potty trained (and there was GREAT rejoicing in the VO abode), enjoys reading thousands of books with mommy/daddy/friends/family, makes up her own little songs throughout the day, and would like everyone to know that she can now strap herself into her own carseat. She continues to be an animal lover, and is excited to be a lion “wif her best friend ‘Stasia” on Halloween (a big deal around here).

-Eva is a very sturdy sitter now, and is trying to crawl. Seriously, somebody stop this baby from growing so fast! She says “mama” and “baby”, and signs baby and hungry. She also calls her big sister “Eh!” She’s a serious cuddle monster, and loves giving hugs and feisty kisses (which soetimes employ the use of two little teeth). She likes sitting beside mama or shopping in her sling or “typing” on an old keyboard. Bananas and guacamole or a big hit with her.

My current projects are teaching Essie to read, trying to keep up with Eva’s voracious appetite, getting Naomi to eat at all, papering my hallway with old french book pages, a little sewing, a little writing, potty training, losing a final 20lbs (I’m 40lbs down now…impressive, no? Show me some, if you feel inspired to do so, lol. I’m trying not to grow weary), and possibly looking into what it might take to become a life coach. I’m also writing little ditties in my head throughout the day for a gentle children’s album about emotions/nature/family for my little friends who don’t find my voice too grating. :OP

I think that’s all for now. I’ll write again later, as I feel inspired. Peace and love!

Two-fer Toofers.

Teeth around here tend to travel in packs of two or four when they arrive, and Miss Eva is now no exception. Last weekend, she sprouted her first pearly clearish-white!

And now, apparently, the other is struggling to make it’s home beside it’s twin. Poor love is gnawing and waking and fussing, even as she giggles and play. Since a teething 6 month old is a new thing around here (her sisters didn’t get their chompers until 10 months), we’ve been pulling out all our most clever tricks to help make her less miserable.

What’s worked with some temporary:

• Hyland’s teething tablets (this combined with rescue remedy is actually quite effective)
• Chamomile tea soaked washcloths, chilled in the fridge
• diluted clove oil or vanilla extract on the gum

What may help, or at very least makes her look stylish:

• baltic amber teething necklace from a friend

What works very well:

• lots of breastfeeding
• lots of being worn in a pouch or mei tai close to mommy
• frozen banana slices
• chewing on a vibrating toothbrush ;OP
• gnawing cold carrots
• tylenol at night
• Big sweet sister’s sympathy and joking to distract her

Poor wee lovey boo. I think she’ll think it’s worth it someday when she gets to eat corn on the cob and Pink Lady apples. Until then, she looks rather suspicious, as if life is playing a mean, dirty trick on her. ;OP I have to confess I’ve had that fleeting feeling more than once at 3am lately. But that first four-toothed grin? Totally worth it.

“In this time of extraordinary pressure, educational and social, perhaps a mothers first duty to her children is to secure for them a quiet and growing time, a full six years of passive receptive life, the waking part of it for the most part spent out in the fresh air.” -Charlotte Mason

Nature is in our veins, as much a part of us as we are a part of it.

My husband and I forged the vast majority of our friendship hiking outside in in the woods, during our late teens and early twenties. I have beautiful sensory snapshots of moments from that time period etched in my psyche: Nate trying to climb some rock while dragonflies buzzed around my face in the summer, us holding hands and quietly talking as we climbed some small mountain in the cool whirl of wind and color that is autumn in the Appalachian foothills, and laughing at each other trying to run through snow outside of Cades Cove. Nature has been a precious part of our marriage and friendship since it’s very beginning.

This was nothing new to either of us. Nate spent his childhood roaming the hills and mountains in Africa, and I spent many a long hot afternoon poking around our backyard in semi-rural AL or roaming the bank of the river that flowed through my grandparents’ land or through the woods on their cattle farm building tepees out of branches and great clods of dried grass. Even when my family lived on the outskirts of Atlanta during my later childhood years, a good deal of time was spent hiking in North Georgia, bike riding with my dad or picking seashells off the coast while on vacation with my parents.

Though Nate and I have always enjoyed being outdoors, I doubt we had ever witnessed the full magic of nature until we had our own children. The sunshine had the power to transform people. It’s remarkable how a wound up, under-stimulated and generally cantankerous child can be morphed into a quiet, busy thinker as soon as they step outside. A little one’s whole countenance changes as they’re given instructions to roam freely.

My impulse as a mother has been to hold my children close and keep them free from bugbites, scrapes, sweat and dirt, least they hurt at all, or worse, bleed! It’s taken me a great deal of time to re-learn the wisdom that God tried to teach human kind when he placed them in a garden. My babies (children who smelled wild and wonderful and anything but tame when I first tucked their heads under my chin) belong where they can explore and observe and develop. They were made to be what modern society would consider a bit savage.

A friend of mine recently giggled as she observed our surroundings as we walked through our local hands-on kid factory: trees painted on the walls, leaves glued to the ceiling, and faux birds frozen in time on plastic branches. She voiced what we were both thinking. Why on earth PAY for the fake version of something we could get for free?? My guess is because we, as mothers, often like to take the real world and sanitize it and contain it and make it predictable and perfectly safe.

Most of us as parents like plastic boxes full of waterless germ wipes within arm’s reach, and establishments that would turn deep shades of crimson if we happened to spot a bug within their walls. We smile at fake grass and easily cleaned plastic, if it keeps our little people corralled. However, in doing so, we end up with motionless plastic birds instead of the real, chirping, egg-laying, song-singing McCoy. Part of me chafes at this knowledge. I like things to be predictable. I like to have control.

I’ve become increasingly aware that my intense need to tame my children has produced the very opposite of what I’ve tried hard as a mother to instill: confidence, innovation, nurture and a sense of belonging. Nature has all these qualities to offer, but in my effort to domesticate my kids into the human equivalent of house pets, I’ve deprived them of something essential to their development. I believe that in this aspect, civilization has done humanity a major disservice.

At some point, I have to believe that God intends for me to turn my sturdy-legged, capable children out into the heart of his creativity, so they can marvel and be inspired by the world around them. A wide wilderness asks me to turn them out to be unfettered in it’s beautiful jumble of order. If I seek to educate and inspire, what better medium than one they can plunge their hearts and toes and fingers into, and find their own place in? Their minds crave contextual exploration to gain understanding. Why not give it to them? Why not free them to discover their capability?

I’m daring something that sounds scary, even scoff-able to popular culture, while freely admitting to being driven out of desperation. I’ve committed to try to spend at *least* four hours a day outside with my young children. I will not cringe at torn clothing or black dirt beneath girlish fingernails. I will not attempt to try to restrain them, soften them, mute them or direct them more than necessary for at least four hours a day. This is a big endeavor for this mama. We’ve been at it for about a week, and noticing immediate behavior differences in both the girls and myself, if to the detriment of the state of my laundry pile.

I’ve been absolutely dumbfounded to observe the change that being free range and outdoors has made in my girls. My strong willed firstborn has the ability to be in charge of her exploration, as well as opportunity to learn a lesson in humility and smallness that only a giant, unflinching world can offer. My second born, my wild animal lover, feels capable and free to climb, nurture and push her limits at her own quiet pace. It’s like a magic pill that brings out the loveliest in both of them.

Perhaps children, are, in fact, at their loveliest when they’re not constantly governed by the arbitrary, silly rules that seem necessary when we spend the majority of our time indoors. I wonder if children have such a hard time respecting things because we simply have more “things” than we were ever intended to have? We spend so much time inside imposing non-moral rules related to not running, not climbing, not touching, not yelling. Perhaps the really valuable lessons we truly need to impart are simply lost in the chorus of “slow down/put it down/leave it alone/get down!!”

Perhaps God was very wise parent to place us in a garden.

“new studies suggest that exposure to nature may reduce the symptoms of ADHD,
and that it can improve all children’s cognitive abilities and resistance to negative
stress and depression.” P. 34, Richard Louv, Last Child in the Woods

I’m arming myself with a giant blanket, sandwich bags, collecting baskets and floppy hats and marching out of doors. It’s funny how extraordinary and unusual it feels to spend large chunks of the day in the sun rather than indoors. Sometimes, honestly, I’d rather be inside, because I’ve become rather accustomed to my gadgetry and conveniences. But I raise my voice far less often, my children sleep hard, they’re much calmer, and I find myself teaching them far more when we’re out (because children LOVE learning in context of their surroundings, but that’s another post..). It’s well worth it, for them, and for myself. I’ll be reporting back in a few months to let you know how the experiment is going.

Vive la sunshine!

Scarfie Goodness

I love me a little summer.

How to make a glass of lemonade, by Ess

First, squeeze the lemons into the cup (only the juice). I used 2 and a half lemons, five halves.

Then, you have to add some sugar! My sugar was on a plate. I used just a handful.

You have to add a little bit of water. Just half a cup.

Then you have to mix it! I use a spoon. I had to stir it a lot of times, until all the sugar dissolved. Then you taste it, and see (what it tastes like). Mine needed a little more sugar!

I like lemonade. It’s so sweet!

Recycled baby hoodie

Twice a year, my mom and I hit the consignment sales for the girl’s clothes for the next two seasons…I’d say it was completely out of frugality, but I have to admit that along with being able to clothe 3 girls for $150 dollars or so, it’s one of the dizzingly happy perks of raising kids on a reasonable budget. I get a wonderful high out of it. My nerdy theory is that is hearkens back to my hunter/gatherer roots. (I’m envisioning some ancestor coming back into her family tent with a basket full of nuts and berries and roots on her head, silly with glee over the great bounty she found, with her husband nodding and grunting with a bemused glint in his eyes…but I digress.)

Anywho, I’m in the habit of looking over the sleeves and collar of baby items for stains, and tossing basic items into my bag if they’re under a dollar, which is exactly what I did with this happy little mustard colored hoodie.

I failed to notice the spectacularly mass-produced look of the glittered rainbow/butterfly combo, and when I spotted it at home, I blinked in consternation. And then remembered some fabric I’d picked up at a secondhand store a month ago, and realized it would be a cute match. Whee! I spent the evening stitching and entertaining baby with left hand while watching Arrested Development.

Butterfly/rainbow glitter paint explosion:

With the panel of fabric sewed on:

and a crocheted flower

tada! B’Eva likes it.

Safest Place

So, recently, as I was laying down baby Eva for a nap, I heard the suspicious sound of sticky giggles floating down the hall from the kitchen.

It suddenly occurred to me that after a breakfast of waffles, I had forgotten to put away the bottle of maple syrup. Crud muffins. After a quick effort to quietly run down the hall, managing mostly to sound like a sneaky elephant, my suspicions were quickly confirmed. Big puddle of maple syrupy goodness, with my delighted little toddler dipping her fingers into the sparkling amber lake and licking the sticky trickles off arms happily.

I did what every good mommy would do to keep from completely losing her cool. I grabbed the camera and made a happy, gooey movie.

(she’s saying…”I poured maple syrup on the floor, just for funsies!”)

I’ll be the first to admit that I wanted to say some choice words and react in anger, initially. It’s adorable to read about, and even charming to write about, but in the moment,I was mightily tempted to blow a fuse. Maple syrup is an expensive treat that we use sparingly, it’s a pain in the back end to clean up off the floor, and it was the third thing my 2.5 yo had dumped in the past few days. I wanted to grind my teeth and shout at her, and scare her to death, honestly.

As luck would have it, something she’d said earlier that day stopped me. She’d been watching a mild “bad guy” movie with us this weekend, and afterwards, while talking about it, she snuggled down on the couch and said contentedly:

“There are no bad guys in our house. Our home is a safe place. I love my home!”

That little statement really stuck with me. Home is a safe place. A simple observation that rings true on so many levels. A good home is safe for it’s occupants. A place where it’s OK to mess up, where it’s alright to cry, where a person can try their wings and crash and get up and try once more. There’s a marvelous shortage of bad guys who might tell you you’re not capable, tear you down, or hurt you spitefully.

In light of this, I’m making an effort to help our children take responsibility for their mistakes, and to also make home a safe place to learn that lesson. Correcting without shame is a learned skill for most humans, I think, but I’m in the midst of trying to learn how. If I can make a habit of gently correcting without sarcasm, shaming or intimidation, I think I’ll be thrilled to find that I’ve tapped into the heart of “home”.

Undoubtedly, it’s going to take some time to fully get there, but I do believe that eventually, one maple syrup success with follow another, and eventually, we’ll have a string of successes consistently following another like a pearl necklace. The language and tone of gentleness with start to feel less like marbles in my mouth, and I’ll learn to speak “good guy” quite fluently. Hopefully, as it becomes habit for mama and papa (well, especially mama…my spouse is already quite good at it), gentleness will be set as the default tone of the home. As a lovely ripple effect, I suspect that kindness and laughter will drizzle on down the ladder of authority like golden honey. Correction will become sweet, as rebukes are much more precious from the lips of a safe person.

It’s a super cool thing to be able to say, “My house is safe. There are no bad guys here.” I’m all for that. <3

My girls. <3

I’ve been putting off blogging for several weeks now, due to stomach bugs/laundry/craftiness/summer cooking/etc, and now all my blogging topics have piled up. I don’t even know where to start!

So I’ve decided to load you down with happy, list-y goodness.

Thing 1:

Indian Food.

Nate ordered a couple of Indian cookbooks, and we’ve been taking turns trying out new dishes. It meets all the criteria our familly collectively needs: Spicy? Check! Exotic? Check! Frugal and plenty of it? Double check! Veg-friendly and adaptable? Checkity checkaroni.

So far, we’ve tried our (somewhat capable) hands at different breads (chipati, naan and layered bread), yogurt with cucumber and mint (yum.), cauliflower with onion and tomato (so freakin’ delicious, and I’m a cauliflower hater), mughlai beef with turnips, beef with spinach, black eyed beans and mushrooms, fried eggplant (drool…), tandoori chicken and red lentils with cabbage.

Manjula’s Kitchen has some excellent tutorials…Nate found her on YouTube.

The kiddos like it, which is a plus, and obviously, so do the adults in the house. Last night I made a really amazing (says Nate, who actually does a good chunk of the cooking) veg meal, and calculated that it came out to $1.65 per adult sized plate. Nice.

Thing 2:

I’ve been yardsaling and thrifting for craft project materials, and having a lovely time. Here are a few of my endeavors:

Chef Hat

It was actually super, super easy! I was a little daunted looking at it online, (I’m not the world’s best instructions follower…somehow, my brain screens out boring looking process how-to as white noise. ) but it was truly very simple to churn out. I made two in the time I’d originally allotted myself for one.

They’re totally adjustable in the back, too. How cool is that?!

It also has binding instructions for those of us who don’t have sergers, which greatly extends the life of garments around here.

I think I may endeavor to make several for Esther’s cooking themed birthday party in October, for the kids to use and take home as party favors.

Also, birthday bunting:

Thing #3:

Three artists I now admire:

Bon Iver, Animal Collective and Lyyke Li.

I don’t explore new music much, but every once in a while I poke my head out of my shell and find something truly lovely. These qualify as honest ear candy.

I might be a little in love with Animal Collective.

Thing 4:

I’m learning to knit, and nearly done with my first funny, simplistic little project.

Thing 5:

I love swapping and bartering. Seriously, peeps, this is THE best way to save money and recycle. For used maternity clothes, I got boots to wear with my enwrapture skirts this winter. For exercise dvds and mama cloth, a 50 oz jar of coconut oil, and a book, which brings me to thing 6….

Thing 6:
I’ve finally gotten my hands on a copy of Sacred Birth. I’m excited about carving out a little time to browse it with a cup of tea or two. It might be next week, but I’m excited about it. :O)

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