Not as much fun as a drinking song….

99 loads of laundry on the floor,

99 loads of laundry,

Gather a load to wash and extract the child from the middle of the pile and fish out a slice of apple and turn on the washer and gather the clothes again after your 18mo runs away with them and then notice the 3yo needs her nose wiped and then remember you need to put the clothes in and come back to find them all gone and sleuth them down in time to make at least halfway through the wash cycle, but not before you spot treat the berries and tumeric and mud stains, then take them out and remove the toddler from the dryer and hang up the special pieces that shrink and stop your preschooler from shlopping them against the wall and making cool wet spots and dry them and take them out and hang them before they wrinkle and the kids make a “cool nest” out of them..

98 loads of laundry on the floor, 98 loads of laundry!!

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Sorry Mrs. Jackson…

I’ve always been annoyed by non-apologies, but I must confess that I had not really ruminated on why they’re so damaging until I became a parent.

Nate and I are believers in admitting our human mistakes to our children, and, when appropriate, explaining why we behaved the way we did, and talking about what we could have done differently. (For example, “Mommy is sorry I was gruff with you in the store. No one deserves to be spoken to that way. I was feeling rushed because we’re running late, and my worried feelings caused me to be short on patience. I’m sorry. I’ll make a effort to give instructions more gently. Maybe next time, we’ll bring something for you do while we shop.”) It’s worked very well, and it’s really helpful to be able to model problem solving for them this way.

But, when I first started taking responsibility for making amends with them, I’d end up giggling over my own lack of ability to apologize decently. “I’m sorry honey, but (fill in the blank the reason I felt my actions were justified)” or “I’m sorry you felt like I (fill in the blank with what I actually did but felt embarrassed about)”. I ran the gamut of terrible faux apologies:

The “Please Don’t Make me Feel Bad“- “I hope you don’t feel angry that I… I hope you don’t think I… It didn’t bother you when I ____, did it? Because I’d never mean to…” (translation: “I’m not going to give you a real opportunity to be hurt, because protecting my self from thinking badly of my choice is more important than protecting you. Guilt, guilt, guilt!”

The Jokester – “I’m gonna make a dumb joke instead of really apologizing, because then I don’t have to deal with your pain. Tickle, poke, hyuck hyuck”.

The Hit and Run- throwing an offhanded casual apology into an otherwise lighthearted conversation. (It’s sure a nice day out. Sorry I ran over your dog. Wanna grab a soda?)

The “I’m safe…NO! Haha! I’m scary!” (I’m going to act like I’m sorry long enough to gain your trust, then, I’m going to take another jab atcha! Muahahaha)

The “Classic: I’m sorry if you feel like I…” (I’m sorry you’re overly sensitive and overreact to things that shouldn’t really bother you.) Because it’s always nice to be insulted while you’re hurting.

My child’s confusion and complete lack of understanding of the crafty nuances of adult double talk forced me to use simpler terms. And when any of the above are put in simpler terms, they’re honestly really just saying, “I don’t want to acknowledge your hurt, so I’m not going to be real about it and give it an appropriate place in my heart.”

Which led me to an interesting realization about a sincere apology- even the smallest child can understand it, because real apologies all boil down to, “I’m sorry I hurt you. How can I make it right?”

That form of sincere caring requires us to look full-face into the ugliness of our actions and realize, I *did* that ugly thing. I really hurt someone else. And that’s a tough thing for any of us to do. It’s a blow to our pride, and even more, it eventually requires us to fully forgive ourselves.
I think that we can come to be so guilt and shame driven, that we form complex ways of defending ourselves, including being in total denial on the surface over wrong doing, while secretly hating our own actions. It’s tougher to admit that we’ve hurt someone else when we don’t know *how* to go about making it right. We’d rather deny others validation of their wounds than have to admit that we have no clue how to help them heal.

The only way to truly make amends with someone else is to accept responsibility for learning how to make them feel safe around us again, and to be willing to admit when we don’t know how to do that. That’s a start. Being willing to help, and admitting to the other person that we don’t know how at least communicates earnest concern and care for their well being. For me, that meant getting my hands on some decent parenting resources to see how I could grow and change my own actions…and letting my daughter process her anger and hurt as much as she needed to without insisting on my “rightness” or changing the subject.

That’s all I have for now…I’m off to find a tissue and some tea.

Mama down

I’ve avoided seasonal sickness thus far, until I decided to eat marshmallows this weekend. Blech.
Sugar is evil. It really is, too.

I’ve got something involving chills, fever, achy muscles and a runny nose. Ewwwwww.

Nate’s home today, as he’s not feeling spectacular either, so the girls are thrilled. (They’re over the worst of their sickness, thank goodness!)

Noni is thrusting beanbags into Nate’s hands and saying, “I want you juggle!” (She pronounces ‘juggle’ “Guggohhh!”) How he manages to juggle while feeling dizzy, I’ll never know, hehe. He’s a champ.

Oyyyy. I think I’ll make myself some tea. I’m supposed to be getting some Emergen-C in the mail soon, so that’s a good thing. Sometime today, I’ll need to venture out to the Big Box and get some tissues. Esther just brought me a banana “to hewp me feew better.” Noni is announcing, “I go peepee potty!” (she’s gone 4 times in the last day).

My head is swimming. I think I’ll take a tylenol, and come back and make a more coherant post later.

Sleepy thoughts, pretty little duds

It’s very quiet in our house, except for the hum of the heater, and dark, too. I’m up rocking a sick little one, so I thought I’d pass the time updating my neglected little corner of blogdom while I kiss my poor, warm baby on the top of her head.

I’ve been trying my hand at making some easy peasy toddler clothes for the girls this summer, and at the gentle nudging of friends, I might get up the nerve needed to try an actual pattern. These were fun to piece together, and I’m happy with how they turned out…summery and fun and clam-digger-ish. If you’re an experienced seamstress, avert your eyes, or find something kind to say while ignoring my lack of skill. *giggle*

(Also, excuse the lounging menagerie of stuffed animals strewn all over the house…they are beloved friends who see quite a bit of play time these days. The favorites have been dubbed “Pillypoolah”, “Moses”, “RumTumTugger” and “Molly”. Separating any of these from the rest of the pack results in hurt feelings in the quarantined party, you see, so we try to be all-inclusive, so as not to injure any animal’s feelings )

I cut apart some old size 4 wide legged capris, and straightened the legs out a bit, and used the pieces as a pattern for drawstring pants. I thought it would be a disaster, but they turned out very wear-able! I’ll admit it: I was really, really pleased with myself. *grin* I remembered my first sad attempt at clothes making for a doll when I was 7 or so, and that dusty little part of myself was redeemed a bit after years of thinking I couldn’t do it.

There’s something sweet and happy about watching your kiddos dance around in something you put together with your own hands. It’s similar to feeding someone a good meal, or singing someone to sleep, or arranging flowers that you grew yourself. I guess I’m a DIY-er at the core of me- things and acts tend to hold a great deal of symbolism for me. I think Nate and I “get” that about each other-he tends to be the same way. It’s so much nicer than everything being disposable and easily replaced. Neeeeeee! Happy feelings.

Speaking of DIY…a friend recently sent me a kombucha tea scoby and some kefir grains. Wheeee! I’ve been blending the kefir with some berries and some xylitol, and wow, it’s good.

I need to get to the store and pick up some more natural sweetener, but first, I need to get these bubs well. Not so much looking forward to several more days in the house.

At the veg table…our winter hobby

One of the most tolerable things about being cooped up inside for the winter is good soup.

We’ve been experimenting, much to Essa’s delight. That girl loves to cook almost as much as N and I do. Noni has been trying her hand at helping, too, throwing veggies in the pot, and gravely warning us that the pot is “Hot, hot!!”

My current favorite two recipes is Sprouted Lentil, Onion and Fresh Tomato soup, and also the soup in the last entry, Cream of Zucchini soup. Yummmm.

The coolest thing about these two are that they’re shockingly easy to conjure up on a busy evening during what all parents know as the “Crazy Hour”, or, “The Hour From Hades”. Just a few steps, and, voila!! Soup’s on!

For kicks, just in case anyone’s interested, I’ll post my version of both.

Sprouted Lentil, Onion and Fresh Tomato soup

1 onion, diced
2 celery stalks, chopped
1.5 C soaked & sprouted lentils (I used brown, but red would be prettier!)
3 C Veg broth
2 large tomatoes, diced
your favorite herbs (I used Rosemary, Basil, Thyme, and Oregano) to taste
salt, pepper

Saute onions and celery in olive oil until clear. Add lentils, and cook for 2 min. Add veg broth, tomatoes and herbs, simmer 22-25 min. Blend in blender until smooth, and serve hot.

Mmmmmm. Lentil goodness. D

Cream of Zucchini Soup

3 large zucchini
oregano, fresh, if possible (but dried works, too)
2T butter
1T Olive oil
1/2 C cream
4oz feta
3 C veg broth

Sautee 4 large zucchini, 3/4 T oregano and 1/2 an onion in 2T butter and 1T olive oil over med heat until veggies are soft. Stir in 3 C veg broth and simmer for 10 min. Place 4oz crumbled feta cheese in bottom of blender and pour HOT soup in on top, blend until very smooth. Return to soup pot (med heat) and stir in 1/2 C of cream. Add pepper and salt, if desired, and you can make it fancy shmancy if you want with cream doodles and fresh oregano on top, if you’re feeling particularly artsy.

You could sub the butter for olive oil and use less if you want (I did), and use less cream, too, and it would be just as tasty.

Trust me, you WON’T be sorry you tried this one. D

Coming in a close third is the baked baby vegetables and mozzarella, with soaked brown rice, black bean and cilantro soup (and whatever else was left in the cabinet, lol) That one’s easy enough. Toss every baby veg possible in olive oil and herbs and bake the heck out of it, then top it with high quality mozzarella for the last 10min of baking. Very yum.

Essa is very fond of black olives, and we have to watch her like a hawk…otherwise she’ll sneak up on us and try to steal all of our olives, giggling the whole time. Noni, on the other hand, sticks to soup. She doesn’t much care for the texture of veggies all by themselves yet, and prefers them (TMI ahead: ) pre-chewed. Guess who lost their baby food grinder?