Absorbing Change

October was the last time I updated this blog.  October.  How many months is that?  Five?  Wow.  When I realize how much time has slipped by, I’m more stunned then embarrassed.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was here, writing about my eldest starting Kindergarten?

The changes of the last few months are dizzying in their volume.  Our baby, whom we hoped to adopt, was sent to his birth-mother after having been in our home two days short of a year.  We pray for him and our hearts hurt with his absence.  One of the joys of fostering is the opportunity to reach into the lives of these littles, and provide for them a foundation of love, safety, and attachment.  The heart-ache we have, as a result, though, is that these little ones are not ours.  Not in the forever sense that we sometimes imagine.  We’re working to accept and move forward.  But we pray every day for DFS3.  We’re praying that he’s found stability, love, health…

You know, people ask me if I would like to hear from him.

Honestly, the only things I want to hear is that he’s doing wonderfully.  That he’s taken his first steps.  That he’s speaking words and loving his new life.  Anything less, would be too much to bear.  So, I choose not to seek him out because of the fears I have about finding anything less then the very best that we pray for him…

After DFS3 left we spent the last couple months with more littles (and biggers) running around.  At one point topping our all time “most children at one time” record with six kiddos here in the house.  A 15 year old, a six year old, a four year old, a two year old, a one year old, and a newborn.

As of last week, though, we have brought our family back down to our three girls and are happy to be on a self-imposed sabbatical.  We need time to heal and re-evalute our plans for continuing as foster parents and we are recognizing that it’s time to really concentrate on resting.

In June we’ll be taking a vacation to Walt Disney World.  My mom will join us there.  I cannot even begin to articulate to you how excited I am about this upcoming vacation.  In fact, I have a travel ticker counting down the days and weeks.

After WDW we’ll come home for a little bit, before heading to Galveston for the fourth of July.  Then after we settle back into a rhythm, we will make a decision about our plans.  If I were being totally honest, right now, I yearn to bring a forever baby into our lives.  One that will not leave in a week, or three, or even a year.

We’re exploring our options and are finding ourselves drawn to special needs adoption.  We don’t know exactly the route that we will take. Or even if God will lead us down that path.  But we’re excited at the possibilities and happy to not be making any concrete plans as we rest.

Meanwhile, I resolve to be back more frequently.  We have lots of really fun family activities planned and lots that I’m excited to share.