Connecting and Correcting

I tell people one of the first things my kids learn when we move into the discipline phase is how to accept my correction while I’m laughing my head off. This is mostly because the antics are usually too funny for me to avoid laughing. The noticed side effect is that when we’re laughing together, we connect more, and when we connect more, they’re able to hear my heart and somehow understand that I am not requiring things to show off my parental power, but in order to keep them safe and our relationship strong.

By reinforcing the relationship, I am telling my child that I’m in this with him. That I am an anchor for him and he can rely on me. That it’s okay to make mistakes and he won’t lose credibility with me by fixing those mistakes (I abhor I told you sos, and the parental kind are some of the worst). One of the reasons punishment and spanking in particular backfired on me so badly was because it took my focus off of my inappropriate behavior and put it squarely on the immediate relationship with my parents. The infraction was out of my head the second the wooden spoon made contact–all I could focus on was how much I hated that stupid spoon and the pain of it, and how much I just plain hated being powerless.

That powerlessness led me instead to focus on how to gain power for myself, instead of how to examine my heart and ask God to turn it to His purpose. So instead of understanding that I should have left my parents’ room well enough alone, I would instead plan how to get in and not get caught.

I am not perfect. I am very, painfully human. My children are aware of this, and they show me grace every day by forgiving me when I fail to treat them with the love and kindness they deserve as creations of God. I thank Him for showing me a glimpse of Himself through the parent-child relationship, and for trusting me with these three precious beings.