You won't want to be in my head…
But sometimes the conversations are funny:
“I was always great with the ladies,” Robin protested.
I just rolled my eyes.
“I had all these great pick up lines and everything.”
“Chloroform is not a pick up line,” I teased.
“Sure it was,” he insisted with a wink. “I’m romantic too. I only buy the expensive stuff.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Real classy, Robbie.”
“I am so damn classy. You have no idea.”
Sigh. A lot of this is what i hear from my friends, just put into different situations. Zach always makes the choloroform jokes. It can be kind of embarrassing when this kind of thing pops into my head when i’m out with friends. I just start giggling and they all want to know what is so funny. This isn’t exactly the type of thing to share with them when they were talking about babies and cooking diner and stuff.
Sam SMASH!
Ugh! i wasn’t paying attention and i sat on Hubby’s expensive headphones and broke them.
I feel so bad! Hubby was cool about it, saying things happen and all that, but damn it, those were expensive and the only headphones we own and…and…i broke them with my butt!
I banged my ankle on chair so hard it pulled up some skin and I bet my butt is going to have a bruise too. But mostly its my pride that is hurt. I didn’t think my butt could be so destructive.
Doormat Faerie
So one day last week I was running out of my house late church (my first time going to church without husband). I had an armful of crap that i had to carry out with me and i was yelling behind me at Caleb to put his shoes on for the ten billionth time. I pushed on our new screen door and it wouldn’t open. Something was blocking the doorway. I cursed under my breath and whoever the thoughtless jerk was who left whatever the hell they left on my doorstep. Then i looked down to see what was blocking my path when i saw a ladybug.
Now, I don’t post about this often, but i LOVE ladybugs. You can’t walk five feet in my house without coming across something with a ladybug on it. The very thought of them fills me with joy. So I spot the ladybug first. Then i realize that its part of a really really cute doormat. It has a little watering can on it that matches the watering can that i own too. It was about 2 inches too high to fit under my door though and therefore blocking my path. I shoved the screen open and picked it up. No note, nothing. I dragged it inside and placed it under my sink in the kitchen. It looked pretty, but because it was two inches high, i stubbed my toe on it a few times while admiring it. I had to get to church to i abandoned my new friend and scampered off, still wondering who in the world brought me a doormat. It must be the doormat faerie.
The first person i thought of who would do that sort of thing is my friend Sarah, but she moved a couple hundred miles away last month so i didn’t think it likely, although i did hear rumors of her being in town this weekend. So when i got home from church i sent a message to her phone “Are you the doormat faerie?”
It took a while to answer back: “What is a doormat faerie?” It wasn’t a no. I told her as much and she messaged back demanding to know what a doormat faerie was. Did someone leave something on my front porch? What was it? So…not Sarah.
So i saw my friend Andrea online. Perhaps she was the doormat faerie. I asked her and she thought i was being weird. She was not the doormat faerie either. I thought about my mother in law but when i called, she wouldn’t answer her phone, and accusing somebody of being a doormat faerie is not the sort of thing you do over the phone. So later that night at our Vampire: The Masquerade game (it has replaced our D&D nights) i asked my two sister in laws if they were the doormat faerie. Amber looked confused but Manda looked suspicious, so i grilled her about it. She was not the doormat faerie but she knew who was. I could only think of one person who we both knew that could be the doormat faerie.
I called my mother in law again. This time she answered. “Are YOU the doormat faerie?” I demanded. She laughed. Yes, she was the doormat faerie. She asked if it fit under my door, and i told her it didn’t but that somehow i would make it fit.
The next day i did some modifications on the door. I removed about 3 inches off the bottom of it. Hubby wasn’t too happy with me about it, but my doormat fits now.
The Zoo
There’s something about visiting the zoo that brings out the kid in you. The irresponcible kid who doens’t keep up with her own blog, aparently.
Friday night, around 3:30 in the morning i was over at my brother and sister in law’s house chatting with friends after playing Vampire: The Masquerade. My sister in law, Amber, mentioned that she was going to go to the zoo the next day with her sister and a couple people from church. I was sooo jealous, not only because she was going to the happiest place on earth (hubby used to take me there on dates) but because she invited a particular friend from church that i’ve been dying to get to know for a really long time. Not only that but, ever since that funeral the week before, i’ve been thinking about dragging the family to the zoo (wow, that’s a weird sentence out of context)
So I told her I wanted to go and she told me to come a long but hubby said no. he didn’t want to go to the zoo. We don’t have money for the zoo. He was going to be tired the next day (because it was 3:30 am already and we weren’t even packed up to go home yet) FUN RUINER! I didn’t want to drive all the way up there by myself, i might get lost, so I asked a couple of my guy friends to go. Zach said no. Jake no didn’t answer. So i begged Zach, told him there would be cute girls at the zoo, he told me no again and we started chatting about girls and life and putting yourself out there. Finally Jake said that if Zach was going, he would go too, and they hemmed and hawed but i told them that i would pick them up right before noon the next day (or you know, later that morning) And our adventure began.
I woke the next morning (after only five hours of sleep) feeling sick but–by God–I wan’t going to miss a trip to the zoo. I spent half an hour picking my outfit. I wanted to wear something that would make a good impression on the new people i would be meeting but i didn’t want to look too nice, considering that I was going out with two men who were not my husband (oh, i could hear the rumors now…) Hubby left to fill the car up with gas for me and when he got back he changed his mind abotu going, decided he would go along with me. We had to find alternate rides for our friends because our car would no longer fit us all, 
I took some cold medicine, put on a cowboy hat (for luck) and off we went.
Fun fun fun. I blame the cold medicine for my out of charecter mood. Usually i’m shy and withdrawn, but I was on my game that day, or at least i think so, i can’t tell for sure. i was in some sort of cloud, I THINK it was #9. hmmmm. We’ll have to check.
So anyway, we went to mcdonalds and Caleb played and played and we
ate before the trip. I was determined not to let being sick keep me from having a good time, so i tried extra hard to get to talk to everyone. Nobody bit me at all! (grandma used to asked if i was worried somebody was going to bite me, everytime i acted shy) Everybody seemed to get along pretty well. New people’s husband played D&D too, everyone was friendly. We got along pretty well. The boys sequestered themselves away from us hens, but besides that, mcdonalds was fun.
We lined up in front of the zoo for pictures and had a ball. Cameras were everywhere. Everyone was posing. I got in a few good posed shots, but was dertermined that as soon as we got IN the zoo, i was going for candid. Which turned out looking more like stalking but it worked out for everyone’s benifit, I think. I got some excellent shots of everybody.
Lets see, the highlights. Everybody got along fine, we talked and skipped and ran from cage to cage. 
We were amused by this thing called a black footed cat, that was in a cage that was the same shape and size of a housecat, but with more exotic marking. We made jokes about the zoo not having much money.
Then we went to the rainforest. Caleb led the way. he had the map and was our navagator. “OK, elephants: check! Birds: check!” I stalked in the rainforest. I got some excellent shots of my friends. Trish hated the picture i took of her playing with her hair, but i think she looks beautiful and everyone agreed (especially zach “it looks like a commercial. I don’t know what you’re selling, but i’ll take it!”)
I kept taking pictures of Zach and Jake too, my bestest guy friends. Zach got really annoyed with me, so most of the pictures are of him giving me dirty looks about shoving a camera in his face all the time, but he got some pretty good ones in here. This one is entitled “Captain Zach Swallows” ————>
heh heh. Swallows. Anyway…. The flamingos smelled bad, the tigers wouldn’t look at us, the kids were loud but in a pretty good mood. We played musical strollers for a while, and half the time we lost half the party and had to wait for the rest, and we missed the giraffe feeding. BUT, i can’t tell you when the last time was that I had so much fun. We had a blast.
<—this is Jake and is entitled “OMG a baby!” I was a little giddy and feeling very light headed. By the time we got back to Jon and Amber’s for the BBQ I didn’t want to do anything but lay down. I leaned across My Jacob and fell nearly fell asleep, i really regretted going when i felt so sick. The meds had wore off and I was feeling really really bad. Until i realized, hey, i have diabetes, maybe i should eat more often. As soon as i got some food in me i was feeling better. not completely healed, but much much better. I could lift my head again. It was really really nice to hang out with that girl, Trish, that i had been wanting to get to know 
for a really long time. We need new faces in our group. Preferably ones without beards, and Trish fits the bill. I was really worried we would scare her off with all our talks about “upper decking” eachother and all the “gayness” the boys were putting off. She said we didn’t scare her that much, but that she didn’t understand a lot of our inside jokes (please, God, don’t let her discover what upper decking is) We took her home and i memorized where she lived, just in case i decide to kidnap her in the future. Everyone needs to be kidnapped every once in a while.
After she left we hung out and talked for a really long time, which is where things got really weird, in thier usual way.
me subduing the husband
Last Saturday was the best day i’ve had in a really long time, despite being a lot more sick than i was willing to admit.
Parental Amusement Backfire
OK so the other day Caleb was comparing big things and small things and I decided to have a little bit of fun with it.
I was at my mom’s house with my brother and his girlfriend. I asked Caleb if he had a big tummy or a little tummy, and he said that he had a little tummy. Then i asked him a little louder if Uncle PJ had a big tummy or a little tummy and Caleb yelled really loud “He has a BIG tummy!” hehehe. Then I asked if Uncle PJ had a big butt or a little butt and Caleb yelled “Uncle PJ has a BIG butt!”
we all thought it was hilarious. He hasn’t really mentioned it since then so we let it pass.
Then today i was getting out of the bath and he walks into the room and he tells me “Caleb has a little tummy. Does mommy have a big tummy or a little tummy.”
I looked down. The answer was as obvious as it was embarrassing. “Mommy has a big tummy” I answered.
“Very good,” he congratulated me. “Does mommy have a big butt or a little butt?” he asked in his best teacher voice.
*groan* “Mommy has a big butt,” I answered obediently while i silently berated myself for thinking up this “fun game”
“You sure do!” he told me, getting excited over his game now. “Does mommy have little boobs, or big boobs?” he asked.
I panicked.
“Caleb, get out! This is private! Let mommy get dressed!”
Claudia and the Rat Part II
A few months ago I caught my newest kitten in the rat cage with the rats, cuddling. It was super cute but absolutely frightening. I didn’t know if she would eat it or what, but she ended up sitting in there cuddling with it, and i eventually had to drag her away from her new little baby.
Today i found her doing the same thing with the other rat. Pandora wasn’t nearly so cuddly with her, but she tolerated her presence surprisingly well.
Eventually though, she grew tired of it and said “the hell with this” and escaped under the computer desk. It was not fun trying to get her out, but at least she was cute.
Self Portraits
out of the closet and into the wagon
No, not THAT closet.
You know all that weight i worked so hard to lose last year? 25 lbs?
Well I’ve found it again. I hated to admit it (and no i’m not making a resolution, i hate those things) its just incredibly frustrating to not be able to fit into the pants i wore just a few months ago.
Also, wii fit is mean. I hadn’t stepped on it in months because i KNEW i had gained weight. Well when i stepped on it last, i had gained 15 lbs since my last visit. My little mii ballooned.
My ego deflated.
On the same note, a few months ago i was shopping with my friend sarah and the kids. I was looking for a pair of pants for caleb in the kids section of some discount store. he’s just barely in “big kid” sizes so i told caleb to look for the very little pants in this section. So as i’m hunting caleb comes across a pair of pants and brought them to me. “Mommy! These are BIG pants! They’re for you!”
The sad part is that they were a size 6 in womens. I could only wish i could fit into them.
so without using the word resolution (or buying ANY MORE fitness equipment than i already own) I think its time to get back on the wagon with my whole weight loss and heathy lifestyle thing.
And on that note, i’ve got to go. It’s time to put the pizza into the oven…
Halloween
I think i just discovered that my son is going to grow up to be a con-man.
its okay though, because he’s cute.
so we were trick or treating, (Caleb decided at the last minute that he would be Rocket instead of his cousin Jerimyah) and the first house we go to, he runs up and says “trick or treat” and they give him a couple candies. And he just stands there smiling up at them and doesn’t walk away. After a couple seconds, they give him another handful. He still stands there. Finally they give him a third handful and tell him goodbye. He says thank you and walks away.
Repeat the entire evening. I swear the entire time i just kept telling him “say trick or treat, get your candy, say thank you, and then WALK AWAY.” “WALK AWAY CALEB!” Everyone thought he was just so funny that they gave him extras.
He got more candy than anybody else we went trick or treating with. At the end he dropped his bucket because it was too heavy to carry.
Lucky he’s so cute…
Weirdest Animals EVER!
so i was sitting here at the computer this morning when i heard Caleb in the rat cage. I turned to see him with both rats crawling inside his shirt and he was giggling like crazy, so i let him be for a while. Then i hear him complaining “no! BAD CAT!” and i PANIC and i turn around and i see the cat in the rat cage. I go to check it out and one rat is up in the top where its safe, but the other is sitting there right behind the cat. So i reach in to grab the rat to put it in a safer place and the rat goes and runs under the cats arms to hide. I was so scared! I thought that kitty would eat her up, but no, kitty was just playing with her, and not with her claws either. Just sitting there and rubbing against her. The rat seemed to enjoy it too, she just sat there and layed next to her even though she could very easily escape.
Eventually i had to drag that cat out of there, and popcorn just stood at the door watching me do it. So weird…
I think i may have the weirdest animals ever.
