Sort of Freaking Out Today

we had another appointment today, 21 weeks, everything is well over here.  I’m feeling the baby kick and move more consistently and not just when I’m laying down in bed.  I’ll get a good kick or two when I’m up and doing stuff in the kitchen too.   He’s a strong little guy, i don’t think i was even feeling movement when Caleb was this age and yesterday hubby was able to feel the baby kick.

I’m already nesting.  I’ve been working on organizing the house and my time.  I’m starting to get a bit ridiculous though, last night I was in the middle of my favorite movie when i had to go for yet another potty break.  While in the bathroom i noticed the floor boards were very dusty and so i had to clean them right then and there.  I missed a lot of my movie.

Today the doctor told me to come back in 3 weeks.  3 weeks!  That means that my pregnancy is half over and things are winding down.  Its a small reminder that time is ticking down towards the birth of this little one.  I’m starting to panic.  We have almost nothing for this baby.  We have a sling and a onesie and that’s it.  This past weekend we went out with the express purpose of buying something for the little guy but everything was out of season we we came home with something for Hubby, something for me, and something for Caleb instead.  Nothing for the baby.

I’m starting to get anxious about the birth and having things ready for the baby, but it will all work out.  Childbirth is freaking me out today.  Not because it scares me in itself but because i know it scares my husband.  he was so scared last time that he freaked me out.  He just sat in the corner like he was watching me die and kept asking me if i wanted drugs.  I started talking about childbirth classes but hubby says that they are useless and doesn’t want to go, even if our insurance pays for it completely.  Maybe if i find one that gives away a free car seat he would be willing to go…  I can’t think of a single person within 200 miles that i would want to have with me at the birth, i hope hubby figures something out.  Doulas are expensive and i wouldn’t even know where to get a good recommendation for one.

I’m looking into the best way to freeze food for when the baby comes so i won’t have to cook.  I was going to invest in some bake and take pans but i got a great idea about lining the pan with foil, freezing my meal and then just slipping out the food once frozen and wrapping it in more foil.  When its time to cook it, i can just stick it into the pan that i froze it in.  Those ladies at GCM are geniuses.

More good news, Hubby finally got his raise.  We are so very blessed.  Unfortunately it means that I’m going to have to shop around for new insurance as we no longer qualify for government cheese.  But besides that and the worry that i will be stuck pregnant and without insurance, we are really blessed.

Hubby is talking like he wants to move into a house between now and June which makes me nervous because i’m not a big mover.  I’ve moved like 5 times in my entire life and neither one of my boys does well with change.

Behind all my freaking out though, things are going very well for our family and we are very blessed.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that before i go overboard with all this worrying.  Apparently it does run in the family…