6 days
in a row. without one single dicipline problem.
In fact, he told me today: “somebody put glue on me and i tell on them.”
getting messy things on himself usually freaks him out, but he kept a level head and asked the teacher for help :jawdrop I am so shocked.
last year was such a bad year for him, especially the end of the year with me being in the hospital for 2 weeks and then the baby in the hospital and then learning to live with new baby (honestly the last month was pure torture for everyone involved, he spend a lot of his class time in the office, and was suspended twice)
he didn’t seem excited about school but neither was he afraid to go. it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. He comes home so happy. And in the morning we just get him dressed and we leave, no complaining or whining or saying he doesn’t like school at all. its like night and day.
Hives of Mysterious Origin
I was going to make an acronym of it but realized that would be either HMO or HOMO and it put me into a fit of giggles. I’m sorry, i have the maturity of a 8th grade boy sometimes…
Anyway, so sometimes Caleb breaks out in a mysterious rash that covers his entire body. Poor baby, they look awful but don’t seem to bother him. Hubby said he used to get them when he was younger but i had never seen them on him
Monday he came home from work and he had a small rash on his feet. The next morning he woke up looking like this
his entire body was covered.
He didn’t eat anything before the reaction. We’re thinking that its some kind of seasonal allergy. Weeds were really high on the allergy meter yesterday, perhaps that was it… Hubby says he’s allergic to abstinence but i told him that he isn’t getting the cure anytime soon if he was going to look like that.
I was not amused. i was sick as well. i was exhausted and had the chills and a fever and a massive headache, but I’m Mom and therefore am not allowed to have a sick day. so i did dishes, and nursed the baby, and amused the Caleb, and went grocery shopping etc. etc. Basically pretending i was not sick so i could take care of my boys. It made me a little bitter about Hubby taking naps on the couch. Especially because he was so grumpy. I felt like giving him a reason to be grumpy but decided that it would not help either of us.
So yesterday we tried benadryl but it didn’t do anything to help. The bumps were less noticeable but not by much. I hoped it would go away by this morning.
When he woke up today i told him that he looked hideous and then after a short pause, said that he also had some bumps on him still. He wasn’t very amused, although i thought myself quite clever with my Firefly reference.
I ordered him to take a shower, thinking that if it was some kind of pollen that a shower might help get it off him. Then after my own shower i noticed we had some claritin and i ordered him to take it. I didn’t realize that he had already taken some more benadryl this morning. He is currently on the couch in a drug induced stupor. I am monitoring his breathing by his snores. So far, so good.
Lets just pretend
that i posted that post i said i would. I’ve been avioding this blog (as i seem to do way too often) because i wanted my next post to be about Toby’s NICU stay and then we’d go onto everything else that is happening. But i just can’t do it. Its way too emotional for me right now, the wounds are a bit raw. Everything turned out fine. I have a happy, healthy little boy napping in a bassinet behind me but i still can’t talk about the NICU stay other than to say that it was the longest week of my life and that i’ve been praying for the NICU nurses every single night. I can’t imagine having to LIVE there as they do, every single day.
So lets just pretend i wrote that post and we’re moving on from there. I just can’t do it right now.
yesterday, ugh
The beginning of the day wasn’t really special in anyway. but i was tired. The baby kept us up all night long. I had to re-direct Caleb from the bathroom sink a few times because he insisted that his toys wanted a bath but besides that it was a pretty easy morning. So easy that i decided it would be nice to take a nap with the baby. I checked on Caleb and told him that i was going to go to sleep and if he needed my help to come get me.
2 hours later i wake up to the sounds of Caleb panicking. “mommy! the fish is dead!” So i jump up out of bed to see him coming out of the bathroom with a dead goldfish in his hands. i tell him to go put it back in the tank, hoping it can be saved. on the way to the fish tank i notice the Christmas lights shining in the hallway. Somehow Caleb snuck to the top of the closet and got out the Christmas tree. i have to step over those stupid little Christmas balls on the way to the fishtank to deposit fish (praise the lord i dodged that minefield!) and then open the lid to fish tank and put fishie in there. i asked Caleb what happened to the fish. he says (sadly) that he caught it with his hands and that he is sorry. I wait anxiously for a few seconds hoping it will recover. nope. fishy dead.
that’s when i realize that I’m standing in a pool of water. i look down and the carpet is soaked. about 1/3 of the fish tank water is gone (its a 10 gallon tank) and the tank vacuum is laying there on the floor. This is about the point where my brain starts to misfire. As calmly as i could i told Caleb that he needs to go to his room right now. He runs into his room and i follow him down the hallway to get some towels. There is some water in the hallway but nothing serious. But then i hear squishing sounds coming from Caleb’s room as he runs in there. I look in and there are several gallons of water dumped on the floor in front of his TV. I grab every towel in the closet and put them down. They all get completely soaked through.
I can’t even look at Caleb, much less think of a decent way to dicipline him without screaming or worse. I’m pretty much in a daze right then. i need hubby so i walked to the phone (dodging Christmas junk again) and call hubby. he’s not at his desk. i leave a message and just stand by the phone for a minute. i try to think of something that would soak up the water. i grab kitchen towels and try to soak up the mess in the living room. then i count the fish. there were only 4 live and one dead (we had 6) so i call Caleb in and ask him where the other fish is. he says its in the tank and i count again and yes, there are 5 live fish in there. Caleb says he’s sorry the fish is dead. i tell him to go back to his room. on the way back to the phone i step in peanutbutter.
i call hubby again. he’s still away from his desk. i try to think what else i can do to clean up all the water in Caleb’s room. i remember that our bath mat is all cotton so i grab that (along with the towel that was on the rack) and take it to Caleb’s room to replace the SOAKING wet towels that were on the floor. That’s when i notice that there’s water all over his TV, DVD player, and Nintendo Wii.
The phone rings. Its hubby. I can’t even form complete sentences. I say something like: “Took nap, woke up, water everywhere, fish dead, i need you to come home” and then i start crying. he says “what?!?” and i realize he probably thinks the fish tank got dumped and all the fish are dead. So i try to calm down and tell him that Caleb dumped water everywhere and that he took a fish out of the tank and that its dead. I need him to come home. He says he’ll be here as fast as he could. so i hang up and just stand by the phone waiting for him to show up. Until the baby cries, and i go get him and nurse him in the rocking chair. When hubby gets home i’m still rocking in the chair with the baby, still crying. (this was around 3 o clock)
Hubby takes over at that point. He is awesome. He doesn’t yell at Caleb or anything he just goes about the house and starts to clean up. He finds more towels in the dirty laundry, finds where Caleb dumped the fish tank chemicals (in the bathroom, not in the fish tank, praise the Lord) puts away Christmas trees. asks about where the steam cleaner is (i didn’t even think about using it to suck up the water) its at SIL’s house. So he calls SIL (not home) and his mom to tell her that we’re bringing laundry over. Somewhere in there i post on GCM, i’m pretty sure it was after hubby came home, but i was pretty numb. he gets things situated here and then goes to take the wet towels to MIL’s house (about 5 o clock). On the way back he picks up dinner at taco bell. While he was out i get a call from SIL saying that MIL got a hold of her and told her about the mess and that she’d be bringing the machine into town around 7 o clock. by that time the water had been sitting in the carpet for a good 5 hours though and I’m not sure if it would do any good. i’m certain the padding is ruined 
so yeah, the rest of the night was spent trading off baby duties so the other could clean up the disaster area. It was seriously the worst night ever. total mental crash yesterday. it was not a good day.
Toby’s arrival
I was being a perfectionist and didn’t want to write my birth story. I was going to give you a “short version” but it ended up being way too long to be called short, LOL. As a warning, we both had health concerns and a really rough delivery, so you may not want to read all of this.
at 33 1/2 weeks pregnant i went in for an ultrasound. One of the doctors had said that they worried about a big baby because of my gestational diabetes, and another said that she thought the baby looked small. He measured right on target at 4lbs 8oz. It gave me a lot of peace because i really did not want to have a cesarean because of a “big baby”. The next day i had an appointment at the diabetes care center. they mentioned my blood pressure was a little high (this was the first time i’d heard anything about it). Later that day i had an OB appointment and it was still high so the doctor ordered a blood draw and a 24 hour urine collection to test for protein.
I rested up that weekend, cut back on caffeine and salt and tried to relax. On Monday i turned in my urine sample and went into the doctor. My blood pressure was high again. The doctor said that they would wait for my urine sample to come in before they decided anything. They said that if it was too high they would just deliver me. I started to panic. I went home and got everything ready for baby but was shocked that i might be delivering so soon. I was only 34 weeks! I looked up information online and discovered that a lot of women are put on bed rest for pre-eclampsia and i was hoping that i’d be able to do that instead of deliver so early. 34 weeks was WAY too early and he was only 4 1/2 lbs, that was just so tiny.
the next day I called in but they hadn’t gotten the results back, and then a couple hours later the doctor called and told me that i had to go to the hospital immediately. Not the hospital i had planned to deliver at, but at another hospital because the one i wanted to deliver at did not have a NICU. That day was just chaos. I had my hospital bag packed but didn’t pack anything for my son to stay at grandma’s house. We gathered things together and then ran up to the hospital. I was crying the whole time, i did not want to deliver this baby yet. It was too soon. They settled me down in L&D and hooked up my IV (fluids, antibiotics, and magnesium sulfate) and a catheter to get a urine sample, and a blood pressure cuff that went off every half hour. It was the most scared i’ve ever been (which didn’t help my blood pressure any). They had not decided yet whether or not they were going to induce or give me a cesarean or wait and see if i stabilized.
after about 2 days they finally decided that i was relatively stable (my blood pressure was awful that first day) and they moved me up to the antepartum unit in the hospital for 2 long weeks of bedrest. Magnesium is the Devil. It is awful, awful stuff. I was able to tolerate it better the longer I was on it but it was just awful those first few days. I was nauseous and I had hot flashes and I felt dizzy and just plain icky. Also it made me feel incredibly thirsty which was especially bad because they had me on a fluid restriction. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the bathroom by myself. My blood pressure stayed somewhat under control. It hovered around 135/90 most of the time, which was high but not dangerous. If i got up to use the bedside commode or if i had a visitor, it would shoot right back up to scary high (when hubby came to visit one day it was up to 162/117) and it would take a long time to get back down on its own.
The next two weeks were relatively uneventful. I was laying down watching bad cable. I didn’t sleep well and i had about a million blood draws (every 4 hours, then every 6, finally every 12 and then every other day) they decided that 4am was the best time to get my weight checked for the day, but besides that i had amazing nurses who were just so kind. I was able to have my own room for all but one day, even on medicaid I kept telling myself that the longer that i was hooked up to all those ivs and monitors the less chance that my son will be. The longer he stayed in the more weight he would gain. He should be around 6lbs at 36 weeks (if he was gaining 1/2lb a week like babies should)
They decided to induce me at 36 weeks and not risk my condition getting any worse. Labor was…eventful. I WAS able to eat before i went in and they hooked me up to pitocin. Things got intense a lot faster than with my son. Contractions were at 2 minutes apart lasting for minute each and i was only at 3cm. They broke my water at that point and the contractions became unbearable. I asked for an epidural but the anesthesiologist was busy with another mama at that point. Just like last time, i had to wait 2 hours for it to get there. In the meantime the baby’s heartrate started dropping with every contraction. It would pick back up afterwards but they were CRAZY scary decelerations. they turned down the pitocin to .5 (the lowest they could turn it down without the doctor’s permission) it helped some but i had to lay on my left side and couldn’t move, which made the contractions VERY hard to bear.
The anesthesiologist came in about that time and i could have kissed him. He went to hook up my epidural and both legs got tingly but i could still feel the contractions on my left side. He said that it would get better but it never did, and the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. He tried pumping more fluid in, but it didn’t help. After a couple hours they tried it again and this time both legs were numb but i could still feel every single contraction. Nothing was helping. My Hubby was amazing, rubbing my back and telling me how good i was doing but it was hard to get on top of the contractions when i wasn’t allowed to move.
Dilation was slow going. It took me 7 hours to get from a 2 to a 5. I kept thinking that if he went lower down and put pressure on my cervix that i would dilate faster but i couldn’t move to help him down. After about 8 hours the doctor came in and said that if i didn’t progress any further that we would go in for a c-section. He said this a lot, actually but from that point on, every time he would come back into the room to check me i would have progressed exactly 1cm. Just enough to show progress.
I had a LOT of tubes and interventions. Completely the opposite of what i wanted. on my right side was the IV. 3 bags of fluid flowing into my right arm (antibiotics, pitocin, and IV fluids). Also the oxygen monitor was on that side. On my left side was a helplock in my arm and an oxygen mask leading to my face. My water was broken and they put on an internal fetal monitor hooked up to my left leg, and a urine catheter hooked up to my right. I also had a useless epidural IV inserted in my back. I felt like i was giving birth to robo-baby, but again tried to tell myself that the more i was being monitored then meant less monitoring for the baby.
I was exhausted and wanted to sleep in between contractions. Then i started to feel some pressure and the contractions were really overwhelming. The nurse asked me if i felt i needed to push. I didn’t feel like i NEEDED to push like i did with my first birth, but i thought that i COULD push so i told her yes. At that point the baby’s heartrate would go down at a contraction and wouldn’t rise enough between contractions. It was getting really scary. Next thing i know the doctor is asking me to roll over on my back. I didn’t want to, i knew it would hurt more, but i did it anyway. That’s when i noticed there were like 10 people in the room with us. They told me to push, and they got the vacuum extractor to help me. I pushed for over 2 hours with my first so i was expecting that this would take a very long time. Imagine my surprise when 2 pushes later Toby was there.
Tobias Noah Minor Lastname
1:19 am, May 4th, 2010.
He was moving a little and grunting but was still pretty blue so they picked him up and took him to the table to get worked on while i delivered the placenta. Amazingly i didn’t tear at all. With my first, i tore really bad and had to have a lot of stitches. I was in so much shock over the fact that I just delivered my baby that I didn’t notice that he hadn’t cried at all until he finally did start crying a few minutes later. They brought him to me about a minute and we said hello. He had an amazing head of hair, and he looked a lot like his daddy. I only got to hold him for a minute before they took him down to the NICU for observation. I didn’t find out until a couple days later but his APGARS were 2 and 8.
We were moved at 3am into my postpartum room. Hubby spent the night and we both woke up as soon as the sun was up. I sent him to go and see our boy and to find out how big he was. He came back about an hour later with a copy of Toby’s birth stats from his incubator.
4lbs, 8oz, 18 ½ inches long. In the 3 weeks since my past ultrasound he hadn’t gained one ounce of weight. He was the average length for a baby his age but didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. (but we’re working on that as I type)
They left me on the magnesium and a pitocin drip for a full 24 hours after he was born. The pitocin was KILLER. The cramps afterward were really, they even had somewhat of a pattern to them. Because of the IV my husband wasn’t allowed to take me up to the 4th floor to visit my baby. The nurses COULD take me up but they would have to find someone to cover their patients while they took me up and they never found the time to do so. I was VERY unhappy with them. Once I was off the drip, it was 3am and Hubby was at home, and they didn’t want me walking around just yet because of the magnesium still being in my system (it makes most women feel week but I would have danced a jig if it would have made them allow me to walk up there.)
At about 11am they told me I could go up and see my baby if I felt up to it. Honestly though, I started to walk up there and got pretty emotional in the hallway. I wanted my husband to come with me. So around 1pm we both went up there together to see our baby. Seeing him in his incubator with all his tubes was hard. He seemed so much smaller and more fragile than he did 36 hours before.
And the rest of the story is for later but long story short, I was released the next day but Toby stayed in the NICU for an entire week first because of breathing issues and then because of jaundice. But I was able to pump for him and he had a perfect latch from the very beginning and so breastfeeding is going great now. We are so proud of our little boy and his older brother is absolutely in love with him (even though he says he sounds like a sheep). It just feels so good to have my baby home.
And I exploded…
I haven’t been posting anything at all for the past couple months. Mainly because that time bomb i was feeling like i was pretty much exploded.
BUT i do have some awesome news to share with you. We have a Toby! After two very long weeks on hospitalized bedrest he was born on May 4th. Things have been crazy with his NICU stay and just adjusting to life with a new baby but i’ll have the birth story printed up soon (for any of you who want to read it) and some updates as soon as Toby lets me 
Bitter Again
Just when i thought things were getting better, or that things WERE better.
At the beginning of my pregnancy i came across this blog. I loved it. it put into words how i felt about my pregnancy. Bitter. That was the word. After years of fertility i didn’t really trust my body anymore, especially not my damned uterus, but as the weeks went on and test after test confirmed a healthy baby growing inside me, all those little kicks, and all those big kicks, i started to become confident in myself and my ability to take care of this little baby.
Being diagnosed with gestational diabetes with a bit of a blow to my confidence but even then i knew that if i just took care of myself and watched what i ate and made sure to exercise that things would be okay. And i did, and was able to and my numbers are great (my A1C is at 5.5). I walk, on average, 2 miles a day and have been in excellent health.
Until yesterday. Or should i say, a few weeks ago. its just that i wasn’t informed until yesterday. My blood pressure has been high. My OB’s office wouldn’t tell me what it was (just that it was high) but earlier in the day at my Diabetes Care Center appointment it was at 130/92. At the dr’s office they re-took my blood pressure twice to get an accurate reading (all the while Toby was being non-cooperative until the end of the non-stress test when he began to kick at the thing again). The nurse had me wait in the waiting room while she talked to the dr and then they called me back in with a lab sheet to get blood taken and also for a 24hour urine collection test. He said that because my blood pressure has been a little high the past few weeks and because of my diabetes that they’re going to be testing for preeclampsia.
I was sent to the lab and they took a couple viles of blood and gave me a collection container for my test (which i will be doing on Sunday). Once again its not the tests that are bothering me. I’m just sick and tired of not being healthy (no pun intended).
and i wish that the doctors would keep me informed about my own health. I can’t read their minds. If they were worried about preeclampsia why didn’t they mention it to me. A few words of warning about drinking caffein and limiting my salt intake would have been nice.
No, i had to come home and get all my information off the internet. The doctors aren’t telling me ANYTHING (which is pretty normal at this practice, my friend was diagnosed with preeclampsia and the doctors didn’t tell her at all until she specifically asked THEM about it). So I’m not exactly sure how bad things are (and since they never gave me my numbers i can’t really look it up) I’m researching this and coming up with terms such as “infant and maternal mortality rates” and bed rest, and hospital stays, and placental abruption, and seizures and early inductions and c-sections beginning at 34 weeks (I’m 33 and a half weeks now, as of a couple days ago he was only 4 1/2 pounds. he’s so tiny.)
and worst of all, i get these lists of things that might help that my doctor never mentioned to me (avoiding salt, upping water and protein intake, avoiding caffeine completely) followed by a disclaimer saying that while these things MAY help, the only way to cure preeclampsia is to give birth.
So basically there is very little, if anything, that i can do. With the diabetes, i could try, i could control my diet and i knew exactly what to do to stay healthy and, with this, I can’t.
This is not fair. So this morning that blog post was running through my head. About how after years of infertility i was finally beginning to trust my body again and now my confidence is completely shattered again. I sit here (drinking ridiculous amounts of water) praying that just this once my body wouldn’t betray me again. or that maybe my body knew what it was doing when it wouldn’t let me get pregnant before.
Feeling like a ticking timebomb
Its not that i think the i’m going into labor anytime soon, its just all these stupid doctors appointments. I have 2-3 appointments EVERY WEEK and will have them until this baby is delivered roughly about 7 weeks (and doctors are already talking about inducing early)
and why? because i have gestational diabetes. I’m not on insulin. My blood sugars are VERY well controlled. Even by the strictest standards (120, at 1 hour from the start of the meal) I am doing GREAT. My diabetes counselor told me this. They know how well i’m doing.
but my doctors…I’m supposed to go into their office twice a week in addition to my (every other week) appointment at the diabetes care center. Non stress tests, twice a week. They’re not that invasive, its not the test themselves. I just HATE that i’m doing SO WELL and i’m still having to do them. Ultrasounds every single week. I HATE the thought of all those waves on the baby (even though no studies have proven it harmful) because the baby HATES the stupid doppler. As soon as they stick it on my stomach he is constantly kicking at it. Its adorable, but i can’t watch him do that EVERY TIME and still say that he doesn’t notice it. Twice a week for the next 7 weeks…plus a weekly ultrasound.
Honestly it bothers me more than the diabetes. Watching my diet isn’t a problem. Sure, sometimes i WANT to cheat and eat yummy garlic bread or some white rice (sweets rarely tempt me). But i don’t. I watch what i eat because we have been praying for this baby for so long i am going to do EVERYTHING i can to help grow this healthy little boy. The worse part about sticking my fingers every day, four times a day doesn’t have anything to do with pain or my fear or needles (last time i got a shot they had to hold me down) I hate how it upsets my husband. And i am terrible at remembering to take the dang thing at exactly one hour after the start of my meal.
Sorry, i’m not usually this whiney. Its just getting to me today. I hate all these stupid tests. Like everyone around me is just waiting for my body to fail.
32 weeks and the “non” stress test
As of the past week i’ve finally begun to have some of the 3rd trimester complaints. I can’t sleep (can’t get comfortable) and I have to pee every 5 minutes or so. I swear my bladder is the size of a golfball now. I’ll feel like i NEED to go RIGHT NOW and not go very much at all. that doesn’t help with the middle of the night waking either.
so i had another appointment today and i think i have a reason for the middle of the night peeing. They did another ultrasound to check my fluid levels Baby is head down and way down in there so he’s squishing my bladder a lot more. I made sure i told the baby in a very stern voice that he needs to stay in there because none of his clothes will fit yet 
I talked to the dr. about the bi-weekly NST and he says that its because of the diabetes and that we’ll be doing for the next 2 months. And weekly ultrasounds to check the amniotic fluid levels.
They made me watch this horrible video filmed in the 70s about birth and i wanted to throw things at the screen because of the medicalized “normal” births they showed. Didn’t help that later the dr tried to comfort me about the incessant monitoring by telling me that they usually don’t “let” diabetic patients go overdue <insert grumpyface>
The only good thing about the appointment was that i got to watch the baby hate on the doppler during the NST. He really, really does not like that thing. he turned to face the other way just so he could kick at it. He left the other monitor they had on me alone for the most part (even though it was closer to where he was kicking before) so i’m sure its the doppler thats got him so upset (he kicked the handheld doppler thing a few weeks ago too…) They usually do it for about 20 minutes but the dr. came in at about 10 and checked the machine and said that i already passed.
I really hate having gestational diabetes and having all the doctors watch me like a ticking time bomb. I’m dong really really well with making sure that my levels stay low but it doesn’t really seem to matter to them right now.
Learning Manners
Caleb is learning manners. But its not going so well…
At school they are teaching him to introduce himself to new friends. In theory, this is a very good idea. Unless your son happens to think that the guy with the 5 inch goatee looks like he would make a good friend. Or that random guy driving in the car next to us on the way up to his intake appointment with the CVRC. He goes through days where he just wants to say hello to everyone he meets. He is rather proud of himself for doing this. some days its cute, as long as he doesn’t introduce himself by his full name, age, and social security number. Okay, i’m exagerating about the social securith number.
the other day we were at Wally World and he was telling everyone hello. Aparently i didn’t see him say hello to a very important person so as i loaded groceries onto the belt he ran up to me and proudly told me “I said hello to that fat man” an then pointed towards an elderly lady. Praise the Lord she didn’t hear him.
Unlike the elderly lady he insulted a couple months ago. he said hello to her and then went on to inform her that she was old because she is not brown. I assume he meant her hair…
His compliments are pretty hit and miss. He tells me nice things a lot. Mostly “i like your hair” but he likes to mix it up. A few months ago a good friend of ours, Jake, came to visit. Caleb was so excited to see him. He ran up to him and gave him a big hug and then ran back to me and told me very proudly that “Jacob is my big BIG fat friend.” All 300lbs of Jacob shook with laughter, and i contemplated melting into the floor.
Also he likes to tell me that he likes my “boots,” that they are big like mountains. And then he pats my chest.
Let’s just stick with complimenting people’s hair, Caleb…
geewhiz